Subject: My Personal Experience with Abused Children
-Anonymous discussion post
I worked in education over 20 years. I worked in a classroom as an assistant and as a teacher. Throughout that time, I made several hot line calls.
The young children, (under three years) trusted me to keep them safe.
Some calls warranted a follow-up. Interviews were conducted. As needed, the child was removed and placed in foster care. Sometimes the children moved, and changed schools. Not knowing the family’s outcome was worrisome and heart wrenching.
Sometimes there was no investigation and the child would lose trust in me, likely feeling betrayed. I would love to think that every family lives happily ever after and all children are safe. That simply isn’t the case. From a teacher’s viewpoint I try to make meaningful connections with the children and their caregivers by allowing a few extra minutes at drop off or pick up to share news, or express frustrations.
Children and their caregivers should know that they are not alone. There is someone their corner who wanting success for their family. I hope and pray that makes a difference.
Re: Subject: MY Personal Experience as an Abused Child
-Anonymous discussion post response
I came from a divorced household. As a child, one of my parents died and I moved in with the other. CPS was called (I assume either from a teacher, counselor, my grandparents – parents of the deceased parent, who disliked the living parent – or all of the above).
It was absolutely mortifying to be removed from class to speak with a case worker and counselor about what was happening in my new home.
I knew enough to know that I was afraid of every possible outcome. Events were set into motion without my consent.
I do not know how children that young (perhaps you also called for older kids) could isolate and be resentful/fearful of you. But I know all to well how parents can be an intimidating influence. I can tell you that a twelve year old who just lost one parent and was terrified of the other, can – and will – be upset that anyone is meddling.
I denied or downplayed everything and blamed a lot on a step parent that was no longer in the picture.
You cannot imagine the fear, shame, anger, and sense of impending chaos I felt from the moment I was called out of class, until I got home, and had to face my parent.
The parent I lived with had been thrust from a 2 weekend a month parent, into full time caregiver for two. They were very militant, harsh, and allowed my sister (16yrs) to basically raise me. I will never forget being called into my parent’s room – with my sister, and one at a time – to be interrogated, punished, and shamed for allowing a CPS questioning to take place. We were blamed for instigating an investigation.
For some time, our phone calls were all required to be in public areas (ie., living room).
I do not remember everything, but from what I do remember, I did not suffer extreme abuse or neglect. Let me just say, it added up to some significant physiological damage. And I do now have a much better relationship with said parent.
I say all that to say this:
It took failed relationships, jobs, medication, counseling, and quite a bit of hard work to realize the effects of my past on my life. I now have two children of my own, am always learning, and have not always been the ‘ideal’ version of a parent that I thought I would be.
I can now begin to understand the enormous pressure of becoming a full time parent overnight and the autonomy of unintentionally passing forward family trauma (the parent I lived with was beaten with 2x4s by their parent and suffered heat stroke numerous times – so in their eyes they were lenient).
I am familiar with the difficulty of accepting new norms, adapting to changing social views of what good parenting means, the self-evaluation. the research, and the resource pooling needed to be a good parent.
Being allowed a moment to decompress, share with other people involved in your child’s life, and be encouraged you are not alone IS quite helpful.
As a child, it is a terrible situation that feels it has no safe, or happy, solution. The only answer is – don’t make it worse.
As an adult I can see a variety of views concerning these kinds of stories.
I couldn’t always, but, I understand now how child abuse/neglect can happen and the varying vantages of the adult, child, reporting party, and government agencies involved. I also know that many were/are in worse situations.
I applaud your likely, life changing efforts, and the efforts of those who sought to help me even though I did not understand it at the time.
My life, Now. 